Lost Where I Don't Belong
by drylikeflowers
Summary: After the war Harry ends up in another dimension where he isn't the Boy-Who-Lived and is instead a young Harry who was unresponsive after being tortured by Deatheaters .Is this a new chance or more suffering for him to endure? Dimension Travel .Slash later.Dark themes.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the HP series.

Warnings: There is going to be slash but way later. Violence, swearing and use of the F word, depressing thoughts and moods, suicidal behavior and/or thoughts.

Thanks to Hot Damn for telling me about the typos ,I appreciate it .

* * *

_("Oh, I think I'm breaking down again._

_Oh, I think I'm breaking down." Breaking Down by Florence _A_nd The Machine.)_

* * *

Harry woke up suddenly from his sleep and felt an odd urge to go somewhere .He quietly got up. Some people were still awake considering the battle that had recently ended, but many were given sleeping potions to help them calm down and rest. A few were wandering around aimlessly, crying softly. So Harry's actions didn't seem odd at all. He could hear Ron's snoring as he left the room. Harry did not know where he was going, he felt as if he was in a trance.

He knew his feet were moving, heading to somewhere he _needed_ to be.

He should stop, call for help maybe. But he could not direct himself to do anything but watch. It was like he was watching everything through the eyes of someone else. After going through many corridors and staircases, he finally stopped after entering a gloomy looking room. And noticed something that made alarm bells ring in his head.

It was the Mirror of Erised.

It was beckoning him forward. Harry could not stop at all. The closer he got the more he could see. The appearance of his parents and Sirius smiling at him and waving became clearer as he got closer. There were other people in the mirror but he did not recognize them.

He was seconds away from slamming into the mirror. His legs only moved faster and he did not understand where they expected to be going. He screamed into his mind. His body continued to move and he could not even flinch as he felt a white light surround him as he vanished into the Mirror Of Erised.

Tomorrow, people would wonder about The-Boy-Who-lived's disappearance .His friends would be unable to believe there could be more grief; you'd think winning a war there would finally be a chance to live. Hermione and Ron would spend a lifetime searching for their best friend and failing.

They would never see him again, nor would anyone else.

* * *

Harry Potter found himself rising and scrambling on a bed he did not recognize, in a room he had never seen before. His body felt a little bit smaller and weaker. However, that thought rushed to the back of his mind as panic flared everywhere else.

Where was he? Had he been abducted by death eaters?

Hard footsteps headed to his direction. More then one voice calling out his name.

Where was his wand? Harry needed to prepare himself. He fell off the bed and grabbed it from the nightstand, just in time for the doors to open. He struggled with the blanket as he raged.

He stood up and pointed his wand. Lasting only a second before he tumbled onto the floor in a heap.

Something was wrong with his left leg and his entire body was shaking, unused muscles exhausted. What was going on? This was not his body. Harry could not think clearly at all, his breathing was coming out too fast and he could do nothing but attempt to calm himself, though he knew it would be futile. This was not normal at all and no amount of lying to himself could convince him that everything would be all right.

Entering the room was the shocked faces of his father, mother and Sirius Black. But that was impossible, they were all dead. What kind of sick dream had his mind conjured up? Perhaps his mind had finally cracked.

Harsh laughter left him. Fuck, even using his voice hurt, as if he had not spoken in long time. Being in a different place and then seeing his dead family proved too much to handle.

Harry passed out.

* * *

He was dreaming. Harry's dream took place in The Cupboard Under The Stairs. In front of him was Dumbledore, his gentle eyes staring into him.

"Dumbledore...?"

"Hello my boy," Dumbledore's blue eyes weren't twinkling." I believe you are wondering what is going on here. "

Harry wanted to scream and shout but all he managed to do was nod shakily. He was having a difficult time trying to understand what had happened. The day before, they'd finally won the war against Voldemort. Of course, it hadn't felt like much of a victory considering the hundreds of lives lost. He could still hear the sound of battle ringing in his ears, spells being shouted at one another, people screaming, people dying. He wondered if it would ever leave.

He should be dead.

"You should be." Dumbledore said. Harry must have said it aloud. Or perhaps they did not even need to speak here.

"After you died and the horcrux was destroyed you were brought to life once more so that you may finally defeat Lord Voldemort because The Prophesy called for it and it was necessary to be fulfilled, there was no other way. But after that Harry, my child, you could no longer belong in that world." Dumbledore said gravely.

Soft clangs of plates being washed could be heard outside the cupboard, a background noise to fit the fantasy .Light from outside fluttering in.

Harry felt as though something was calming him forcibly, otherwise he would be a having a very loud and very violent breakdown. He didn't think it was just the room itself that was keeping calm. Even though living with the Dursleys was hell, his cupboard was his safe place. When he was younger, not a child, he'd never been that. He would feel as though the darkness would protect him, that if he couldn't see anything, then no one could see him. No one could hurt him.

Nobody could see his tiny form in the corner, arms wrapped around himself as he cried. Desperately wishing someone would hold, hug him and keep him safe unconditionally. That he would actually feel the warmth of the arms holding him.

That they would be real and love him.

But such childish thoughts weren't allowed to remain with him. They were a weakness that had to be avoided. Soldiers needed to be able to focus, and Harry most of all.

He felt disgusted at his younger self. Such desperation was truly pathetic.

"I won the war though, didn't I?" He laughed. "Is this fates gift to me?" Harry breathed brokenly "Am I stuck then? It some sort of purgatory where IMPOSTERS wear the face of my dead family."

"Harry you need to calm down and _listen_." And instantly his body relaxed, much to his annoyance.

"I just want to be left alone. If I can't live with my friends then at least me die in peace," Harry whispered bitterly. "Do I even have a choice?"

"I'm sorry my boy but you do not," Dumbledore said.

Harry leaned back, listening. There was nothing else to do.

"You've been placed in another universe, in another Harry's body. That Harry was already dead, or should I say brain dead. That child had been completely unresponsive for years."

"What happened to him," Harry asked.

Dumbledore was sitting cross-legged across from him, parts of his face obscured in darkness. Harry had his legs stuck out uncaringly. He could not feel physical pain in the dream world. For the first time since he'd discovered he was a wizard and was given Dudley's second room, he wished he could stay in the cupboard forever; he didn't have it in him to fight anymore. If he didn't belong in his own universe anymore that he wanted to die instead of live in another universe. It made no sense for him to belong in another world instead.

"Because it is not your time yet .This world needs all the help it can get. And perhaps Fate thought you might appreciate that fact that your parents are very much alive in this world."

'Fuck fate,' Harry wanted to rage .Those imposters would never be his parents; his parents had died for him.

"In this world Voldemort was defeated but it only took him a year to rise again. Here, Neville is the boy who lived. His grandmother sacrificed her life trying to protect him." Harry released a breath he didn't know he was holding. Dumbledore continued, "Voldemort only went after one baby that night. Because of that, Bellatrix, the Lestrange brothers and Barty Crouch Jr. were never arrested and Crouch Jr. was never known to be a death eater. So Voldemort was brought back much earlier here than in your world. A year after his defeat, the Longbottoms were having a family outing in Diagon Alley and were attacked by masked death eaters, many of them were killed or knocked unconscious but the few left managed to sneak from behind and take some of Neville's blood, which, as you know, they needed for the spell . They escaped and Neville ,otherwise for the cut was unscathed and perhaps a little bit traumatized .His parents ,though injured protecting their son, were fine as well."

Neville got to keep his parents, both of them. Unlike harry. But in this world harry wasn't the Boy-Who-Lived. "So how did I, _him,_ how did he end up..." Harry wondered to Dumbledore.

"When this worlds Harry was 11 he was kidnapped and held for a year and a half by Deatheaters as punishment for your fathers actions ,he and his friends killed or made unconscious some 20 Deatheaters between them and the order .The survivors were arrested and sent to Azkaban for their crimes . The Potters were a quite well known light family and rumored to be in the order. That is why they retaliated against them by taking you .A year and a half later you were discovered, tortured, beaten, and completely unresponsive. This Harry was dead you see, in everything but his body which still survived and would never have woken again. Harry you must understand that you are him now .Some of his memories of torture will come to you, slowly. But nothing else. You're body is 13 now"

"His." Harry sighed, giving in. "my leg…there was something wrong" .Dumbledore beamed, what looked like smile in the dark, but he couldn't be sure. It didn't matter anyway. What did it matter if Dumbledore approved oh him excepting this 'new' life.

He missed Ron and Hermione desperately. It wasn't fair.

"Harry was deeply affected by the Cruciatus curse. The leg will need therapy to get better and now that you, Harry, are awake, you will be able to treat that. You also may shake at times, because of how your body was affected; your parents will probably take you to get treated of course. The torture will also explain some of the memory loss their Harry has. You have two siblings .Heather, a second year and William who is in his first year."

This surprised Harry. He didn't think that if his parents had lived then he would have a brother and a sister. He wondered what his life would have been like before realizing it would have been just like this .Perhaps every Harry in every Dimension is cursed to a life of torment.

"There's no need to be dramatic, my boy." Dumbledore seemed different, but he didn't have the capacity to question it at the moment. "There are some other differences but you shall find them out as you go, Harry is after all going to be experiencing many things for the first time so it will not seem out of the ordinary for you not to know everything."

"What about Pettigrew?" Harry needed to know how he was supposed to react to that rat in this world .Perhaps Pettigrew was different here.

"Don't trouble yourself with him. In this world many things are different, try not to judge others as you know them in your world." Dumbledore hadn't really answered his question but Harry decided to leave it.

"If someone tries to use Legilimency against you, all they will see is snippets of the torture young Harry endured .No one will be see that you're from another dimension and you will also be unable to say that you are."

There was always a catch.

"When you woke up in this Harrys body , you were not exactly silent so your parents ,who were having lunch with Sirius, were surprised .And are currently hopeful as Mediwizards told them you were never going to 'wake up' . This is a miracle to them. Here you are very loved." Harry snorted, of course he bloody was. Dumbledore ignored him.

"You're going to wake up now." Harry swallowed, how could anyone prepare themselves for this?

"We will speak again Harry."

And wasn't that a relief.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I added lines in the last chapter to space out the scenes but I don't know why it did not appear when posted it, so sorry about that. I'll see if I can figure it out for this one.

Also this fic isn't Dumbledore bashing, if he seems odd to you that's intended and will be explained later. And the wand Harry grabbed in the last chapter when he woke wasn't his wand, it was his mothers, she left it because she'd checked on him earlier. And also Harry is somewhat dramatic in my fic .

* * *

(_"Handcuffed to the bed like you're an animal_

_, I don't even recognize you anymore_" Creek Blues by Nicole Dollanganger.)

* * *

Harry woke up in Saint Mungo's Hospital. Dumbledore could have mentioned he'd end up here. He stared savagely at the people in the room, some of his wild black hair falling into his face.

"Drink this." A potion was pressed to his lips, and the Healer giving it to him was too close and surprising so Harry jumped back, a snarl on his lips. His wrists were restrained and he panicked .How dare they.

"it's a calming draught," She said in a low voice "please take it and then we'll remove the restraints ,it's just to make sure you don't hurt yourself sweetie."

Sweetie? The hell. Why was she speaking to him as though he was a baby? He supposed mentally they expected him to be 11 since that's when he was taken, though his body was 13. His leg was shaking, did it always to that, would it always be in pain? He noticed that the lights in the room were dimmed, to help him relax .Other than the Mediwitch, only his parents were in the room. And they were keeping themselves back, as to not frighten him.

The green robed healer was bringing the potion to him again .He squinted and saw the name Jones was printed on a label placed near her shoulder , she looked to be in her mid-30's. He wanted to bite her hand off, that'd show her. But getting the restraints removed was more important, he reasoned with himself.

She came closer. A memory came to him, someone was bringing something to him, and it hurt. A sharp object glinting in a cold room.

When Jones brought the potion to him he tried to slam his head into hers , he felt terrified .Instead she must have seen what he was about to do because she quickly held him down and forced the potion on him . He practically chocked on it, his body thrashing before he finally swallowed.

Something eased his body, he felt he could breathe; he took long great gasps .No longer did he feel an overwhelming panic bubbling inside him. He felt the restraints being removed and as soon as he was able, he hugged himself and pressed himself back as far as he could, trembling.

He must have looked pathetic because the nurse told him not to be frightened, he spat at her but it missed.

He failed at everything.

"Harry" Lily Potter gasped softly. She did not seem angry, she looked too happy to feel anything but joy .The fact that her son was awake and moving, she was so grateful.

"I know who you are" His voice hurt and sounded rough, he hadn't spoken in a long time after all.

She looked so happy, her beautiful red hair tied behind her, He almost didn't finish what he was going to say, but he had to. "But I don't remember", he continued.

Sorrow washed over Lilly and James Potters face, but they quickly hid it .Not wanting to upset their son in any way or make him uncomfortable. "The Healers said there might be a chance of that, It's okay Harry, we'll make new memories together" James Potter said reassuringly. Lily and James walked closer to him and he tensed, but they just seated themselves on chairs close to his bed. They hadn't touched him, which came as a relief to Harry, he knew he wasn't ready for that.

"Do you remember what happened to you?" Healer Jones asked. A bitter expression came on James' face and Lily wiped tears quickly from her eyes, hoping Harry wouldn't see them.

"Yes," He said, "I'm not discussing it though."

"All right," Jones accepted, "You are required to do weekly therapy sessions and there will be daily physical therapy for your leg."

"I don't want to do that" Harry attempted to argue.

"You don't have a choice or say in this matter," she said stubbornly.

He hated her already.

* * *

Heather Potter was chatting with her best friend Ginny Weasley, in the Great Hall, when she was interrupted. Remus, her godfather and DADA professor, politely asked to speak to her privately .Worried, she quickly followed him. He led her to an unused classroom where she saw William, her younger brother, looking confused and adorable in his Hufflepuff robes, he was the baby of the family.

"Hey baby bro," She said cheekily .She knew he hated being called that. The whole family teased and babied Will, much to his annoyance. It always managed to distract her, when she was at home, from remembering that her older brother was lying unmoving upstairs in his bedroom. She'd only visited him once .It was the first day they'd brought him back from Saint Mungo's ,she was so excited she rushed to his room and didn't hear her mother trying to stop her .They wanted to explain Harrys situation before the kids could see.

Heather was so foolish, she thought now that he was back that everything would be okay .The image of Harry's eyes staring unseeingly at the wall haunted her. There was no point to visiting a corpse, she decided then.

William was different though, she thought fondly, he couldn't remember Harry much so he never missed a chance to visit him .He would talk to Harry and tell him about his day, thinking maybe there was a chance Harry could hear.

He was innocent like that.

Heather knew better .it was only a matter of time until Voldemort won .Last year, one of her friends; a muggleborn, was murdered by Deatheaters. She was inconsolable for days ,Will suggested maybe she should talk to Harry about it .She almost hurt Will in anger before realizing that was just how her little brother dealt with things ,he'd talk to Harry .

"What's going on Remus?" she hoped her mom and dad were okay. She held her brothers hand tightly in fear.

"Don't worry Heather, James and Lily are fine," said Remus, able to read his goddaughter like a book. "This is good news", he inhaled deeply, preparing himself. "Harry woke up."

Of all the things, she expected him to say, ranging from her parents being murdered by Deatheaters to Sirius running off to live life as dog roaming the streets of Britain, this was the least.

"It's a miracle," Will smiled, ecstatic at the news. "Could he hear me then? Does he want to see me?" Shame pounded in her body like nothing else .Was Harry able to hear and see what was going on? Did he know that the one time Heather visited him she fled away in disgust.

She wanted to cry.

"I'm sorry Will, from what I got out of James' letter, Harry doesn't remember; it's like he just knows about us but doesn't really remember us." Will had a look she had never seen before on his face. Heather felt relieved but guilty.

"Lily and James are with him in Saint Mungo's. James thought it best you hear about it in person then in a letter."

"Oh" she said stupidly .Heather adjusted the glasses on her face even though they were fine .She just wanted something to do with her hands so she could ignore the relieved part of mind that thought at least she wouldn't see Harry until the end of the school year. "Well thanks Remus."

"Yah," Will said the great smile back on his face. "I can't wait to see Harry."

"Me too." She told him .Heather hoped Will would always be like this, hopeful.

* * *

After being checked by three different healers, who all came in separately as to not overwhelm him, Harry was already way past annoyed.

"You'll be taking these potions every day," He wondered when Healer Jones would shut up. "One is to help with the tremors and is a mild pain reliever, the other is to help with your mood" Did she even know how?

Harry could feel the beginnings of a headache taking place in his mind. He just wanted her to stop talking, he'd had enough. The pain in his left leg was searing to unbearable, and would twitch randomly, he felt embarrassed.

He knew if he didn't calm himself down he might do something he'd regret later and then it would take even longer to leave this godforsaken place.

"Can I just be alone?" She stopped talking and looked patiently at him. "Just for a bit," he said.

"Of course" Jones said.

Lily and James stood up slowly to leave; Lily looked like she wanted to hold his hand but she steadied herself and smiled at him instead. "We'll come again tomorrow, alright? And if you need us, tell the healers and we'll come as soon as we can."

He didn't know that they'd stay another hour outside, just in case .Or that Peter and Sirius were taking turns guarding his room .Everyone was afraid to lose him again.

The moment they left, Jones opened her mouth to start speaking, oh joy. "I should inform you that the mirror placed there ,on the opposite side of your bed" She pointed, "has a room on the other side where a healer will be monitoring you 24/7" He was going to kill her ,he would gladly go to Azkaban for Jones' murderer ,the wretched woman .

"Take care sweetie." Jones said, walking out of the room.

He waited for the door to close before grabbing the vase, filled with lilies, next to his bed and throwing it across the room.

"Bitch."

A/Thanks to all the reviews being nice and helpful, it was very lovely to read the comments.


	3. Chapter 3

_("Woken up like an animal_

_Teeth ready for sinking_

_My mind's lost in bleak visions_

_I've tried to escape but keep sinking", Human by Daughter.)_

* * *

Neville was having the worst day .Ever since it became mandatory for Hogwarts to have a guidance counselor to help with students who needed therapy (AKA, him) his life had turned into avoiding his therapist as much as he could, he'd lost 2 pounds running around hiding from the man.

Third year sucked .Even though last year ended with him rescuing Ginny, his best mate's sister; from a basilisk, it was still better than this.

His therapy lessons consisted of him listening to Gilderoy Lockhart drone on and on about fame and the importance of mastering a beautiful signature. How Lockhart got a certificate to be a Therapist was a mystery.

Today was especially bad because he had a session right after Divination where Trelawney told him he was going to die, again. And in his morning Potions class Snape managed to scare him into knocking his potions over, that was the second time this month. He knocked on the door and waiting patiently for the "come in" from Lockhart .The last time Neville barged in he was traumatized forever. Nothing Voldemort did could bleach the image of Lockhart trying, and failing badly, to seduce Snape. He gagged at the memory .Snape's permanent looking sneer looked relieved as he barged past Neville to escape .Ron thought it was hilarious and Hermione's crush on Lockhart instantly disappeared . She spent the rest of that day talking about how terrible it was for professors to be inappropriate in front of their students.

Neville appreciated the gesture but he just wanted to forget the entire thing. The least Lockhart could have done was obliviate him so he would not have to live with that memory, but then he'd probably get arrested and sent to Azkaban.

That would be a dream come true.

Neville was sitting in a cozy chair in front of Lockhart's desk .He tried to focus on whatever his 'therapist' was going on about.

"So once a week I'll be leaving Hogwarts for a session with a patient in St Mungo's ,it's all very hush hush but I can tell you, from one famous person to another," As curious as Neville was he was still annoyed but he listened anyway. "It's Harry Potter! You know uh,whats the name The Daily Prophet gave him ? Ah, Half-Dead."

"Don't say that" snapped Neville. "I don't like that term, it's cruel." It was also 'subtle' play on the Potter boy being Half-blood.

"O-Of course Neville, what're friends for." Neville almost felt bad. Almost. Lockhart continued speaking but Neville was no longer listening.

Neville could remember what happened after Harry Potter was abducted, he never met him of course but everyone knew the story; it was all over the newspapers at the time it was going on. There had been so many missing posters with the boys' photo on it; he doubted anyone could forget him. When reports came forward that they'd found him people were ecstatic, they thought he was a sign of hope, that things were looking up and maybe they could win the war. That didn't last long once news of the state he was in broke.

Now Harry Potter was conscious? He couldn't wait for the session to be over so he could discuss it with Hermione and Ron.

In first year, they'd uncovered that their DADA professor, Quirrell, was a death eater. This year had been quiet, he didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing.

Would Harry Potter be this years mystery?

* * *

_He'd stopped screaming hours ago , he lay there gasping aimlessly ,body shuddering in pain .A women with black hair twisted all around her laughed hysterically .He never got the joke .What was so funny about his suffering? He stopped asking himself that when he was punished for begging them to stop._

_It had been so long he lost track of time, there were no windows for him to could see through. _

_He used to try to focusing on happy moments, memories of his family. He learned that never helped though, it made it so much worse so he focused on nothing._

_An idea that kept recurring to him was getting more difficult to push away._

_The doors in the cellar burst open and the worst of his torturers came through .He shook hard in fear._

_"My turn." the man said wickedly. Pointing his wand and muttering spells that caused Bellatrix, upon hearing them, to laugh._

_He shut his eyes tight and bit his lips in an attempt to be silent. Any noise from him just made them more excited. Cuts formed around his body that burned horribly._

_He started screaming again._

* * *

Harry was shouting when he woke up, his body twisted around the blankets covering him. He was trapped. Sharp and quick breaths came and left him. He felt pain .Hands were pushing him on the bed, holding him down .Too many hands.

His vision was clouded but he managed to see a face so he kicked it with his good leg. He heard shouting and saw a neck that seemed Jones sized, he lunged. His mad mission to end his nemesis came to a quick end when more hands came and pushed him forcibly still.

"Nooo no no no, I'll be good, I'll be good, I won't make any noise" He begged endlessly, unable to calm himself.

"Just let me through, you're making it worse" Lily pushed past the Healers to get to Harry. "He's my son!"

Harry heard nothing but his panicked breaths, he saw Lily, and she was saying something to him. He realized hands weren't forcing him on the bed anymore and he stared confused, trying to understand what she was saying.

"-th me."He was hearing some of it but not understanding. Harry focused on the red hair that fell over her shoulders and the green eyes that were identical to his own; he felt breathe become more steady.

"Breathe slowly in and out," She mimed and he copied her. The both of them as desperate as each other. "You're okay, you're safe, just breathe." He saw that Lily's hand was gripping his bed, close to him but not enough to touch .His face was wet and he clumsily tried to wipe it away.

He dragged his shaking hand towards Lilly's and gripped the end of her fingers tightly. He knew she was close enough that she could hurt him but if she tried anything, Harry was ready to push her fingers all the way back as quickly as he could and try to make a run for it.

Lily looked at him, an open expression of _thank you_ in her eyes. Her hand trembled as she slowly and very carefully pressed her palm against his, locking their fingers together.

They stayed like that for a while, eventually Harrys shaking form lessened to his usual amount.

Harry frowned and looked at the rest of the people in the room, who had distanced themselves from them. He saw Jones, with her posse of healers and nurses, and seethed.

He tried to rise, not really having a plan. Gentle hands tried to keep him still without pressing on him. "All you motherfucking bitches" He yelled, savoring the aghast expression on Jones' face, memorizing it for the next time she irritated him. "You shouldn't have done that, you just made it worse." He stopped struggling; Lily's was holding him carefully. He didn't push her away.

"You are not mentally or physically well enough to know what's best for you," Jones said in a sweet voice.

"No, Harry's right," Lily defended him.

Harry's mouth was open in shock, he wasn't used to this.

" -" Healer Jones tried.

"No!" Lily demanded. "He has been here just more than a day and you lot seem to have no sensitivity in how to handle him whatsoever .He is your patient and you haven't helped him .He's coming home with me, now!"

"What about his appointment with Helbert Spleen?" Jones asked, sighing. Harry wished she'd say more, something offensive that would make Lily slap her .Jones could pretend she was nice as much as she wanted but Harry saw the sadistic terrible women inside .He would try to avoid her, she'd probably be out for vengeance. He wished he succeeded in lunging at her and then he would have squeezed her wrinkly old neck-

"Have him come now then; it's almost the appointment time anyway. After that, we are leaving. Please prepare his everyday potions for me to take .Harry will come tomorrow for his first session of physical therapy." Her voice left no room for argument.

Jones smiled politely and left the room to do as Lily asked .Harry stared at her until she left, contempt lacing his features .He was convinced Jones was out to get him.

"Who's Helbert Spleen?" Harry asked Lily.

"He's a nerve specialist ,who also answers medical questions on the advice column of the Daily Prophet .Spleens made a potion specifically formulated for you using a sample of your blood .It's supposed to help with your nerve damage ,that's what's causing the shaking in your body ."

"Right" Harry said, nodding.

They waited until eventually Helbert Spleen showed up, tumbling into the room and sweating slightly.

"Hello" He said, smiling.

"Ugh" Harry responded. "Just get on with it."

Lily looks at him, obviously displeased but too afraid to handle Harry like anything but glass.

"Right." Spleen pulls out a blue murky potion from the bag around his waist and hands it to Lily who eyes it questioningly.

"The entire thing?" She asks him. "Does he take it now?"

"He can take it at any time but it's best to get it over with since the process it painful and will stay like that for a number of hours."

Spleen then left after answering a few more questions from Lily.

Lily placed the potion in her bag .Jones entered the room pushing a wheelchair with no wheels, basically a floating chair .She was enjoying this ,he was sure .Lily pulled the chair from her and took it to Harry.

"Lily," He said, she paused and looked at him." I, uh, don't want anyone behind me..."

She bit her lip then relaxed her features. "How about I push the chair while standing next to you, and tomorrow ill search up a spell so that it can move in whatever destination you wish without requiring someone to push you, is that alright with you ,Harry?"

"Yeah." He said, puzzled at how much Lily was bothering to do for his comfort.

"I'm going to help you get on it now, okay? I will be touching you to do that." She told him,

He took a deep breath and steadied himself then nodded .Lily slowly moved closer then brought one hand behind him, and the other under his knees before she carried him easily into the chair .He blinked, stupefied .He didn't expect her to actually carry him, he thought she was just going to let him lean on her while he attempted to sit on the thing.

Had he moved from being The-Boy-Who-Lived to Lily's little princess? Harry was cool with that, it beat being The Chosen One and that was a good thing.

Lily stood next to him and pushed only using one of the handles with her right hand .He pushed himself back a bit, and stared at her hand to make sure she wouldn't try anything.

Lily said nothing and acted as if she didn't notice.

"Sirius is waiting outside the door, he's going to escort us for um, safety reasons. Do you remember him?"

"Yes." Harry said, succeeding in keeping his voice even. Something inside him kept his emotions in check.

They left the room and he saw Sirius standing there .He looked so much younger than his worlds Sirius looked when died .This one hadn't spent more than a decade in Azkaban, rotting away . He smiled at Harry and walked to stand next to Lily, trying to avoid surrounding him .He wondered when they had taken the time to discuss how their behavior was going to be around him.

"It's good to see you Harry .We'll be leaving via floo." Sirius continued speaking, talking about a funny story that happened when he was younger and in Auror training. Harry was relieved that there was no need to speak and felt nicely distracted, listening to Sirius ramble.

They reached one of the many fireplaces located in St. Mungo's, Lily went through with Harry first and Sirius followed but waited a couple of minutes, to insure he would not be directly behind Harry when he landed.

When Sirius came through it was just Lily in the sitting room.

"How is he?" He asked, keeping his voice quiet.

Lily sighed and sat on the couch, running her fingers through her hair.

"I took him upstairs and gave him the potion. I feel like I can't trust anyone with him, I'm terrified he'll be taken away from me, _again_." He could hear the frustration and pain in her voice. He had blocked the memory of the time after Harry was kidnapped, that feeling of helplessness that consumed them all was something he never wanted to feel again.

Sirius sat next to her and held her hand to comfort her .He wished the rest of the marauders were here, that they had not all grown up and had jobs now .Remus was working at Hogwarts, Peter worked at a library, and him and James were Aurors. He smiled at the thought of James .He missed the time when they were still students, the biggest worry on their mind was getting caught sneaking out to go to the pub .

"How'd your date with that guy from the Department of Regulation go?" Lily changed the subject.

"Nice enough guy but boring, you know?" He laughed. Sirius still slept with him though, pretending it was someone else.

"No chemistry." Lily said. "Tends to be the case a lot in the dating life, lucky I'm married, don't need to worry about that."

Lucky indeed.

Upstairs Harry laid in his bed, trying to sleep. The potions effects were still lingering. It hurt of course but Harry was used to pain .Earlier Lily used a cleansing spell on him and preformed a spell that changed his clothes into cozy pajamas.

He stared at his wrists; there were jagged scars there that looked different from the rest of the scars that were all over his body. An odd thought flashed in his head, reminding him that he had forgotten something.

An exhausted breathe left him and he shifted on the bed, grimacing .He would try to get some sleep.

A/N: Yeah Lily and Harry had their weird little Tarzan moment

Thank you to everyone read this and also to the people that reviewed.

Hot Damn ,I love your reviews ,they're the best .Please feel comfortable to give criticism I really don't mind and it helps me improve ,which is cool. Also I like hearing what people think of my fic.


	4. Chapter 4

Warnings for inconsistent tenses. Sorry.

* * *

"Or am I just dreaming once again?

Some dreams are better when they end." Greatest Bastard by Damien Rice.

* * *

Harry's stomach twisted as he tried to swallow another spoon of porridge before dropping the spoon and pushing the plate away .He grabbed a mug filled with peppermint tea that Lily said would help settle his stomach. He gently brings it to his lips and manages to sip a little until his hand twitches and the hot liquid spills all over him. He sighed and put the mug back on the table .The majority of his shaking ,except for his leg, had stopped but it flared up occasionally .Harry had no idea whether it would get better in time ,if not then he'd need to improve in hiding it ,he did not wish to be seen as weak .

The spilt tea spread from his thighs to his legs, scorching him .He recognizes this burning pain, he would get this a lot when he was with _them_. A smile tugs at his lips as he stares unfocusedly at nothing and thinks.

He wanted to die .There was no other way about it; he didn't belong in this place.

And yet.

A weak part of him wanted to stay .The boy he used to be that never got the childhood he so badly wanted .It wasn't like he had a choice, he never had his entire life. Fate had already decided after all. Perhaps Harry would always be in pain .He huffed out a laugh lazily.

If he couldn't die yet and be allowed some peace then he'd make sure Voldemort wouldn't get to win and get control over the wizarding world .Voldemort would always be his enemy, he didn't care which world .Harry felt as though their fates were tied together .

Was that even justified? He wasn't this dimension's Boy-Who-Lived, Neville was. Voldemort wouldn't care about Harry and this Voldemort wasn't the one that killed his parents.

Harry didn't care about this worlds people and the Deatheaters and dark lords within them .He would not help them .He couldn't. He had to turn off his 'savior complex' completely. It should be easy to do .He didn't _know_ the people here, they weren't his .It was like he was in a dream ,as though none of it was real .He could do that ,pretend none of this was happening .

Watch them drown.

Fuck it .Then he'd be no better than Voldemort .His brain fought him. Whatever, he didn't need to decide now, he could help the light side without being directly involved .Besides, Harry told himself, it wasn't like he'd be much help in his state anyways.

What was Fate thinking? He was useless.

"Harry? You alright?" Peter's voice interrupted. Harry jumped in surprise. Stupid rat tiptoeing around the place. Lily left to work early in the morning to make up for the days off she took so she could watch Harry. She was an Unspeakable, which Harry thought was interesting, not that he cared or anything like that. He refused to let himself get close to these people. Sirius and James would be back sometime in the late afternoon.

"What." Harry said gruffly.

Peter stared in concern at the amount of food left. Eyes trailing to the wet patch on Harry's pants.

"It's just tea." Harry clarified, not enjoying where Peters trail of thought seemed to be going.

"Harry there's nothing to be ashamed of." Said Wormtail. A kind look in his eyes.

"W-what! No way Peter, it really is tea!" Harry stuttered indignantly.

Peter burst into laughter, leaving Harry staring in shock.

"I was just messing with you." Peter continued his weird giggling fit while Harry glared.

Eventually Peter's laughing stopped and he picked up a tissue and dabbed it at his eyes. "Can't believe you fell for that. This is such an ego boost, thanks Harry!" Peter chirped.

"Because your life is so pathetic that the only joy you can get is from pranking children."

Peter stared at Harry before coming closer and closer until his hand reached towards his face .Harry leaned back in disgust. "What are you doing?" He questioned. No other adult dared to came this close without reason, just as Harry preferred.

Peter's plump hand grabbed Harry's cheek and squeezed. "You're so cute! You know you were supposed to be my godson."

Harry was still blinking in complete and utter astonishment while Peter continued to ramble on.

"James made a deal that whoever got to the emergency room first, when you were born ,would get to be your godfather .I was in the lead until Sirius, the sneaky bastard , pretended to fall and knocked me out when I came to help him."

Wormtail was squeezing his cheek….full on grandma style…

"James had the same deal with your siblings as well. Remus only got to be Heather's godfather because he got Sirius to lunge at me and stay on, by the time I got Sirius off, it was too late .I became Will's godfather by default."

Peter had dropped his hand earlier in his storytelling.

This was all a hallucination .Harry had died and ended up in some sick hell where Voldemort and his cronies watched him from behind a glass mirror, drawing bets on when he'd lose it. He nervously searched the room with his eyes.

"I'm going to spell your clothes dry, okay?" peter said.

Harry continued to stare.

"Do you need to be held?" Peter asked, raising his hands in mock hug, seeming to know how to annoy Harry.

"I'm going to bite you." Harry threatened.

Peter laughed heartily, ignoring Harry's serious threat. Stupid man, this Pettigrew was worse than the one in his old world.

Wormtail moved his wand slowly, after stepping back and Harry's clothes dried from the spell. Harry didn't realize that he'd been so distracted by Peter that he hadn't thought of any painful memory. Peter took a seat across from Harry.

"See these." Peter said, pointing out a batch of uneven cookies on the table that Harry hadn't eaten. "They're your fathers .James makes them on special occasion, they're absolutely disgusting but we never tell him that .Sirius even makes it a point to eat as many of these nasty things in front of James as he can, so your dad never suspects."

Harry was actually listening, absorbing what Peter was saying. The boy within him that wanted to know every little thing about Lily and James refused to be quiet.

"Lily cooks when she can but usually the house elves do it, especially these days. The house is livelier in the summer, when Heather and Will are here, you'll like them."

Harry wouldn't even know how to act around them .They probably wouldn't get along with him.

"And they'll like you." Harry's eyes shot up .How was it that out of all the Marauders and Lily, it was Peter that Harry could relax with.

He didn't expect Harry to remember them, and knew that the Harry he was now was different.

"I don't think Lily's brought this subject up with you yet, but I'm going to." Peter took a bite from his toast ,Harry waited ,curious to know what Wormtail was going to come up with next .Still, even Wormtail was better than Healer Jones .

"Do you want to go to Hogwarts, have you thought of it? Because I have, and I think, if you wanted to, I could tutor you .If we both work hard maybe you could go to Hogwarts for your fourth year. It's all your choice of course."

Well, Harry hadn't expected that.

Could he do it? Physical therapy would be tough on its own and he doubted he'd finish that in a year, maybe he didn't need to. Harry just needed to improve enough to not be dependent on the chair, it would be difficult, along with finishing three years' worth of education .But Harry had completed six Years of Hogwarts in his old dimension, which made things easier.

Hogwarts would always be Harry's home .He urged to see it again.

"Yes." Harry practically shouted, unable to contain himself .The feeling was close to excitement, which came as a surprise to him after feeling nothing for so long.

"Then we'll get started on it today, if you feel up to it after your physical therapy session. And I'll need to ask Lily and James but ultimately, I do think it's your choice Harry."

It wasn't .How was he gonna help in the war with zero education and no ability to keep an eye on things "It is." Harry said. "And I can do it."

Lily had kept her word about finding a spell to have his chair move as he wished, without depending on someone else to move it for him. She told him in the morning when she was giving him his potions to drink. Harry had already gotten the hang of it, the chair easily moved it whatever direction he wished.

"Let's get going, it's your first day of physical therapy after all."

Harry was not looking forward to it at all. He huffed in irritation, Peter responded by smiling cheerfully.

It was too early in the morning for him to be dealing with this crap, even though he'd always been an early riser since the Dursleys…

* * *

William walked alone in one of Hogwarts many corridors; he felt something that he wasn't used to feeling, bitterness. He clenched his fingers tightly and then let go. He breathed out and relaxed his posture.

He was being selfish; he sniffed and wiped frustrated tears from his eyes. It hasn't even been that long since they've had Harry back and already Will was the worst brother ever! Harry was going to hate him and think he was just some stupid kid.

He was being horrible just crying like a baby and only caring about his own emotions. Most people only get to dream of getting the impossible but Will had it ,he got his brother back .But all Will has accomplished is think about himself, he is a horrible brother, Harry would never wanna hang out with him.

William had been so distracted in his moping that he hadn't even noticed the fast footsteps coming from behind him until he was being pushed into a dark gap in the hallway. He struggled unsuccessfully trying to get the whistle his mother, sister and all the marauders had coached him into using should danger ever befall him. His assailant clumsily tried to stop him from moving, gloved hands tried to cover his mouth.

Wait…Gloves?

William aimed a feeble slap as his attackers head. It landed.

"OW!" His guess was correct .Neville Longbottom was known to wear gloves all the time to hide his scar.

"What in Merlin's name do you think you're doing, Longbottom?" William hissed. "Attacking a poor defenseless first year Hufflepuff on his way to class? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't blow my whistle?"

Neville took a step closer, gesturing nervously for William to shush.

"Is this some stupid Gryffindor prank? You think if you scare me enough I'll tell you the Hufflepuff common room password? I don't care what you do, I'll never talk." William was shaking a little bit, he couldn't tell if from fear or exertion. Probably both.

Neville moved towards him looking alarmed while William raised his whistle in a threatening manner, accidentally hitting Neville in the face, he'd pretend it was intentional though, if asked.

"Ouch! Just stop and let me explain myself." Neville panicked.

"Fine. But I'm warning you, if you try anything…" He span the string that held the whistle to emphasize.

"Yeah I got that, Potter." Neville stated, rubbing his wounded head. "Look, I wasn't attacking you. Professor Lockhart was after me trying to have another private conversation in his office. Please just be quiet, he'll be here any second and I'll spell my brains out if I have to endure another lecture on fame and popularity."

William's expression was stern, although it just appeared endearing on his baby face, as if he was channeling on the McGonagall that existed within him. Neville felt the desire for a younger sibling, to look after and protect. He likes to think he would have been a good sibling but it's safer this way, those around him would always be in danger.

"Fine." William begrudged.

Hearing footsteps and Professor Lockhart's whiny voice calling for Neville they both give each other a frightened look and press themselves on the shadowed walls, praying for the darkness to hide them.

Professor Lockhart stopped just in front of the passageway; they held their breaths and dared not make a sound. Neville wondered if it was possible for a Hufflepuff to push him out in order to save themselves, he hoped not. All he learned today was that Hufflepuff might be scarier then Snape, and violent too. His head still ached.

"Neville?" Lockhart's irritating voice questioned. Hearing nothing, the professor continued further away until they could no longer hear him.

William let out a sigh of relief and looked at Neville who seemed to be deep in serious thought; he puzzled over what the Boy-Who-Lived might be thinking. Probably death eater related and deep angst thoughts, he mused.

Neville speculated about how Voldemort might have been like, if the notorious wizard ended up sorted into Hufflepuff .Would he have been good? Probably not. A Hufflepuff Voldemort would be even worse; he would seem innocent and good because no one believed in evil Hufflepuffs. Neville worried for the future, if Hufflepuffs decided to take over no one would notice until it was too late. Well, he supposed, so long as they didn't do anything evil and left him to taking care of the dream garden he envisioned himself having in the future ,he would be cool with it . That is, if he survives Voldemort. If only he were a normal wizard.

He glanced at William who looked somewhat creeped out. How long did Neville space out?

"Thanks." Neville decides to say, because what else to you say to someone, younger then you, helping you escape from a horrible professor. He wished he was cool but dreaming for the impossible was pointless. And he was getting sick of pitying himself, he needed to be braver. How did he even end up a Gryffindor? His parents always tell him to let them worry about Voldemort and to focus on being a kid, he wishes things were that simple.

Neville slides down to sit on the floor, tired from all the running he'd done. As he tried to catch his breath, he noticed the other boy sitting down next him.

"Well I guess those rumors about you are true, you don't seem very nice." The first year said.

"Don't believe everything people say, Potter."

"You can just call me Will." The younger gives Neville a hesitant smile.

"Alright, Will." Neville smiles back. "The whole Malfoy thing is just a big misunderstanding. In first year I accidentally tripped while walking past him in the great hall and my pumpkin juice spilled on his precious and expensive robes." He sighs. "Now he makes it a point to be at least 8 steps away from me at all times, I've hear he's told others that I'm going to be the next dark lord."

Neville groans and lets his head fall back, which just makes his recently injured head hurt more.

He felt such sorrow for the children of death eaters. You could tell them apart from the other students instantly, downcast eyes and lifeless expressions …Most were from slytherin, some from other houses of course. Most did not go home in the summer, parents convincing Voldemort that their children were blood-traitors and not worthy of being Deatheaters, resorting to protect their children by disowning them.

Some did go home in the summer, terrified in their own homes and come back the next year having seen too much. Although many students had permanent sad expressions on their faces, some having lost parents and some Muggleborns felt their deaths were sealed.

However, Hogwarts was a magic school and learning and seeing magic was exhilarating and did not leave people in their broken down moods for long.

Then there was The-Boy-Who-Lived; Neville himself who loathed his predicament. The same one he had been in since being born.

Was his life fated to be miserable? Neville knows of no wizard with a life like his, chosen for something he had no say over. A wizard with the same destiny already picked for him did not exist. If one such wizard did exist then Neville would already have asked for advice. He understands he is just a child, knows he is not included in in the discussions his parents have with Dumbledore and the Order even if they are about him. Like it or not fate was pitting Neville Longbottom against Voldemort no matter how much his parents and Dumbledore want to protect from that. Neville does not think he can win, not against a notoriously powerful dark lord, not as he is now.

Neville was weak and not ready. How many people would die before he was? He did not want to lose his family and friends .Sometimes he thinks everyone would be better off if they distanced themselves from him, being close to Neville was painting a target on their backs. The last time his thoughts drifted to that mindset Dumbledore invited him for tea and reminded him of the gift that friendship and family is, he would not give that up .Not even for Voldemort.

Neville wanted to truly live and experience life through hopeful eyes. Voldemort's constantly growing army didn't have Dumbledore, the only wizard Voldemort feared, the parents of everyone that would fight for their children ,and they had a cause that wasn't just about violence and the silly idea of purebloods superiority over half-bloods .

The light side would win. It had too. Neville refused to think of any other possibility.

And for the light side to win everyone would have to work together, all of the students of Hogwarts.

He turned to the boy sitting next him .Only now noticing Will's red-rimmed eyes, a sign of recent crying.

"How have you been?" Neville asks William, hoping he isn't pushing it and is hit, again. "Since having your brother back and all."

Will looks surprised but speaks to him comfortably as if the two of them are old friends' .William Potter, Neville thinks, is the type of person that is like this with everyone. There is this unwavering youthfulness, the boy is young yes, but so is his soul.

"I just don't feel like I'm good enough," William continues speaking of his troubles. "For Harry."

"You must be kidding. If your brother doesn't like you then he's an idiot." Neville tells him.

"Hey." William tries but laughs. "He's still my brother you know, and know that I have him back..."

"Come on Will, you're impossible not to like and don't you have friends from all of the houses?" Will flushes "Yeah. But-" Neville continues over him. "See? Everyone likes you. I heard even Snape has never told you off. The Severus Snape. Not liking you would be abnormal. I mean I've only just met you and already I wish you were my brother. Harry's going to love to you, there's no doubt about that."

All the worry seemed to vanish from William and he resumed to his normal cheerful self. Smiling at The-Boy-Who-Lived, he said. "You know what, Neville, you're not creepy at all, you're actually nice."

"Err, thanks…I think?"

Will grinned but then his expression turned somber. "What if he's not okay though, with what the death eaters d-did to him. What if he never fully recovers?"

"You can't think that way. There's going to be problems sure, it was a violent situation and with that comes trauma." Neville is basically paraphrasing from the time he had a couple of sessions with a proper therapist, not Lockhart, that his parents took him to after the death eaters attacked them and took some of his blood when he was eleven.

"I still have nightmares from the Diagon-Alley attack but remembering what went on gets less and less scary each time I think of it and one day it will just be something that happened that doesn't make me anxious to think about anymore." Neville is surprised by himself, he did not think he could talk this long without stammering and getting embarrassed but he feels very strongly about this subject and realizes that it is because he relates to Harry Potter.

"N-Not to say I went through the s-same things he did" There he goes with the stuttering, classic Neville .He wanted to shove an apple in his mouth to shut himself up even if Will is paying attention to every word he says ,probably studying it for his brother.

"But I think that you should support him by being patient with him and he will recover .You can't be sad for him because he's already sad for himself and then all of you will just be miserable and then what's the point? Be yourself Will, the light in you will bring him out of whatever his mind terrorizes him with .Show him that he didn't just survive but he won because he has you and his family. Don't treat him like glass but don't act like what happened was nothing .Just be there if he needs you but don't overwhelm him. Besides, you're parents are with him and will help him, you don't need to worry about it too much. It's just what I think anyway I-I'm probably wrong." Neville laughs but it sounds really awkward and loud to his ears, he should just never say more than a sentence, it always sounds stupid when he talks too much. He covers part of his face with his scarf. Neville sounds like one of those old talk show ladies on the Wizarding Wireless Network. His show would be titled "Plants, Herbs and Neville: The inner garden.

"Thank you." Neville peaks from the scarf, confused. "I mean it. Thanks." Will says sincerely.

"A-Anytime."

"OH darn it, I better get to class. I'm going to be late. See you, Neville." Will hurried away.

Only after Neville waves William goodbye and stands there a while does he realize that he is very late to his Potions class. Snape was really going to kill him this time. Neville runs in pace that is faster than the one he was on when escaping Lockhart, his fear causing his speed to increase.

* * *

"And then this Healer suddenly opens in the door in the middle of the therapy, scaring me half to death and Harry falls and lets out this high pitched scream-" Peter is interrupted in the middle of his tale to Lily, James and Sirius who are all listening keenly .

"It was not HIGH pitched, Peter." Harry yells. Thinking about Healer Jones who jumped into the room to freak him out and to watch his torment. That hag was going straight to hell.

"A screeching noise, reminding me of my great grandmother-" Peter insists only to be interrupted again.

"It was a grunt, masculine and deep like every word that comes out of my mouth." Harry insists.

Sirius lets loose that achingly familiar bark like laugh. Harry wants to cry for his Sirius, that was far too young when he was imprisoned in Azkaban, that never had the opportunity be free. For the Sirius that became mad over years of imprisonment…

That Sirius that was unstable and got himself killed, a bitter voice in his mind warned. And Harry would be heading in the same place if he did not pull himself together.

He tunes back into the conversation. He is sitting with the Potters, Sirius and peter. Having dinner. Well, Harry is mostly picking at his food but his appetite is more than this morning and he'll take that as win.

Harry yawns; exaggerating is so everyone would see he was sleepy. "I'm going to bed, see you in the morning." He said politely. Harry just wanted some alone time so he could finally breathe, he'd been around people the whole day which meant he couldn't relax completely.

They all bid him goodnight and Harry glided the fuck out of there on his badass chair that, yes, could go over the stairs. Harry needed some sunglasses and dramatic music to play behind him .Possibly Snape wearing the sunglasses and playing the violin behind him. Could Snape even play the violin? Harry did not care; he was owning this dimension travel thing.

Harry finally arrives to this worlds Harry's room. He is tired from today's physical therapy, although it was light seeing as he was just starting. Unused muscles burned painfully and his body still did the whole twitching thing which was growing old real fast. He struggled pathetically to put on his pajamas, even if Lily would happily spell them on for him. Harry refused to ask for help.

Eventually he succeeded and laid in bed panting in exertion. He rested his eyes shutting them, he wanted to sleep and simply forget everything.

He feels the atmosphere shift and his eyes open in alarm. Harry's in the cupboard again and he relaxes knowing what this is. He sees the fake Dumbledore sitting on the floor, to his right but harry just turns his face to the left and resumes trying to sleep.

"We need to talk. You cannot ignore me forever."

Harry could actually; he was quite persistent when he needed to be. Nothing could distract him when he set his mind to it .He had steel tight self-control.

"I saw that little fit you had in Saint Mungo's."

Harry hums, pretending to be oblivious.

"You are still refusing to accept the situation you are currently placed in."And Fake Dumbledore still hasn't shut up.

Harry hums louder.

"That scream was awfully shrill was it not? I believe my eardrums were damaged which I did not think was possible-"

"AGHHHHHHHH."

* * *

In my defense through out all those months i didn't update i was constantly aware of it .Thank you for reading ,it means a lot . This chapter is the longest I've done so I'm proud of it. Feel free to point out mistakes, I won't get offended. Hopefully I won't take as long with the next chapter ha ha.


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